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Hot Girls For Halloween

Halloween is arguably the most f**kable holiday. It pretty much gives you a reason to be publicly drunk and sexy, and who doesn't love that? As philosopher Cady Heron stated in Mean Girls, “In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut, and no other girls can say anything about it.”

Legally Blonde, 2001 ©

Right as the weather is at nip-freezing prime, we have no choice but to march our fishnet-clad legs to the club and flirt with a zombie, a ghost, or The Joker. It’s the state-mandated time to be outside dressed to impress, and— in typical Gen Z fashion—we’ve taken it up a notch. In the new age, your crush doesn’t even need to be at the same Halloween party as you to know just how hot you are. Instagram delivers your sexy Harriet Tubman costume right to their phone screen, and if you don’t post your questionable Halloween costumes (that’s right, there are 3 separate events to go to, and you need to serve c*nt at all of them), you might as well just sit the whole holiday out. No pressure.

The internet and the expectations that come with it certainly haven’t helped with the over-saturated costume market. Back in the day, accidentally twinning with someone would go pretty much unnoticed. But now we know exactly who wore what and who wore it better. Big Brother (your own Instagram story) is always watching, and God forbid your costume is dubbed “mid.” We can’t just be sexy for sexiness’s sake; we have to be clever, too, because we’re feminists, dammit. I’m not just naked and wearing white fur; I’m “Sexy Melting Polar Ice Caps.” I’m not just wearing crotchless panties and a top hat; I’m clearly Mr. Peanut. While lingerie and animal ears are still tried and true, more and more, you will see someone dressed as a concept, reference, or meme. Because that is sort of the goal: to be meme-worthy and or go viral. We’re trying to say, “I’m wildly funny and tapped into the cultural consciousness, and my tits just HAPPEN to be out.” Gen Z is sexy in a plausible deniability sort of way.

Mean Girls, 2004 ©

Although we are all slaves to the Great Pumpkin, we do get a lot out of this symbiotic relationship. The Autumn itineraries are packed with pumpkin patch visits, haunted houses, partying, and Disney Spooktacular marathons. Our Google Calendars are STACKED, but we don’t have any other choice, with Cuffing Season lurking around the corner. Halloween is the chance to either hard launch your situationship turned couples’ costume or revel in the joys of being single (i.e., making out with someone in questionable body paint). And if you have no interest in dating, you’re just enjoying the pumpkin-spiced ride.

At the end of the day, I’m just a girl who loves a theme. At the ripe old age of 21, I’m already nostalgic for the fanfare of childhood, and Halloween is the one time that we really get a taste of that whimsy again. So I’m going to eat my candy corn, plan my little outfits, and play Monster Mash until my ears bleed because ‘tis the mother f-ing season.


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