Let's Be Careful With Therapy Speak...

While the conversation around mental health has become less taboo, there is a different problem now: minimizing and misrepresenting mental illnesses and their effects. This is perpetuated through the overuse of what is called “therapy speak.”

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For example, instead of people merely saying they are sad, they call it depression. People misuse terms like “gaslighting,” “trauma bond” and call themselves “OCD” or “neurodivergent,” when they are neither of these things. It is important to use correct terminology when discussing any kind of health issue, including mental health. Using these terms incorrectly takes away from the seriousness and weight of these issues. It can also offend those who are actively dealing with them.

According to the Cleveland Clinic, these terms have become way more commonly used in everyday speech. 

“‘Therapy speak’ is when people use psychological phrases and mental health language in their daily lives. Since therapy has become more popular and accessible, terms like ‘gaslighting,’ ‘trauma dumping’ and even ‘boundaries’ have started to overflow outside the therapist’s office.” 

Most of these phrases have deeper and more complex definitions than people assume while using them in casual conversations. For example, “gaslighting” is one of the most commonly used terms that has found its way into popular culture and slang. The phrase “Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss” was the launching point of this word into everyday language. 

The American Psychological Association (APA) quotes Dr. Sarah Bishop, a psychologist from Birmingham, England. 

“It’s important to understand that simply being self-centered or having a different perspective or interpretation of events does not automatically mean someone is a narcissist and gaslighting you,” Bishop said. “Gaslighting is a manipulative behavior where someone intentionally deceives others with the intention of causing harm. When we misuse these terms, it dilutes their meaning and hinders our understanding of the issue.” 

Language is powerful and knowing the full meaning behind a word is important while speaking. One other danger of “therapy speak” being commonly used outside of therapy and the medical sphere is that false diagnoses run rampant. The temptation to self-diagnose and diagnose others is strong, but harmful. 

USA Today cites Sarah Victor, an assistant professor of psychological sciences at Texas Tech University, about the dangers of using therapy terms to diagnose yourself or others.

"They oversimplify, and in many cases are inaccurate reflections of, the experience of these types of problems," Victor said. "For example, 'I am so OCD' is often used to refer to someone being picky about details, neatness, or organization. However, there are many different kinds of OCD, not all of which relate to organization or cleanliness."

People who actually struggle with these mental health disorders or struggle with various addictions may find it hurtful and belittling to their own struggles when people use phrases like “I’m so OCD,” “He’s a narcissist,” or “I’m addicted to X or Y.” In a generation so vocal about encouraging empathy and kindness, it is surprising to see so many people unaware or ignorant of how their language affects those genuinely wrestling with mental health issues.

The misuse of the terms “neurodivergent” and “autistic” has been a hot topic of recent conversations. Dazed published an article about how there is an increasing number of straight men on dating apps looking for “slightly autistic” or “neurodivergent” women. 

“​​It’s possible that some of these men are autistic themselves and merely looking for a like-minded partner. But it’s more likely that swathes of them are fetishising neurodivergence,” Dazed contributor Angel Martinez said. “It’s telling that the vast majority of these profiles state they want a girl who is only “slightly autistic,” which implies that they’d be happy to date a woman with more ‘palatable’ autistic traits (eg, someone with a broad range of passions and interests) but would draw the line at a partner with less socially ‘acceptable’ characteristics (eg, someone who exhibits more obvious stimming behaviours).” 

Misusing “therapy speak” can not only result in fetishization, but also weaponizing the language and villainizing others. All of these things diminish the actual weight the meaning of those words carry. To those who actually have these disorders, this can seem like a dismissal of everything they experience and the intricacies of what it really means to have that disorder. The danger of misusing or misunderstanding therapy terms is that many people have begun weaponizing terms related to attachment styles in relationships. 

Psychology Today warns that labeling things with “therapy speak” in a romantic relationship, like calling your partner a narcissist, blaming things on their attachment style, or misusing the term “triggering” in the context of your partner’s actions, causes damage.

The article reads, “Therapy-speak is a new and enhanced way of characterizing our partner's actions. It gives our characterization the cloak of objectivity; it lends professional credibility to how we view our partner and pathologizes his/her actions.”

In addition, misusing terminology can get in the way of processing and accurately communicating our own emotions. The Guardian notes that much of the “therapy speak” can be found online, specifically TikTok.  

“Social media undoubtedly plays a role in flattening human emotions into neat, shareable terms,” The Guardian said. “It can take a long time to get beneath the use of these terms – which may be described as a defence mechanism – and explore someone’s deeper, more vulnerable emotional experiences.”

We should be proud of how the topic of mental health has become destigmatized, but new struggles have arisen. Generalizing various emotions and experiences by incorrectly using terms that carry weight, complex definitions, and implicate unique and difficult experiences, does more harm than good.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) reports that around 1 in 5 adults in the United States experienced mental illness in 2024. The widespread use of “therapy speak” in our daily conversations should be handled with care. Think before you speak – is the word or phrase you’re using accurate to its definition? The Cleveland Clinic encourages people to consider their intentions, explain the specifics of what you mean, and to avoid diagnosing yourself and others when using these terms. Of course it is not a horrible crime to use “therapy speak” in casual conversation, but it is important to give more thought and respect to the weight these words carry and how it reflects and affects real people who struggle with mental health issues.